Crazy Time

July 30, 2020 / 
I come into the peace of wild things  
who do not tax their lives with forethought  
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.  

Wendell Berry from "The Peace of Wild Things"

A few days ago, after reading one too many news stories, the ship of my soul sank to a depth it hadn’t visited in years. The view from where I sat was murky and bleak. The world seemed to be coming apart—more people dying every day from the coronavirus, other people filled with hatred and self-righteousness harming their neighbors, our leadership lackluster, at best, in attempts to curb the pandemic and bring unity. I wanted the world to be different than it is. I wanted us humans to be better than we are. And at the same time, I felt helpless to change anything. 

Reality has a way of punching holes in our illusions and sinking our ideals, our fantasies about life and the world. And sometimes our soul goes down with our illusions. Energy and appetite had abandoned me. I could barely drag myself through the house to do the smallest of tasks.

Then I stepped outside. A friend of mine recently reminded me, “Nature doesn’t know this is a crazy time.” And as Kathy wrote in a recent post, there are “encouragers” everywhere. There, Black-eyed Susans shining their sunny faces to anyone willing to appreciate them. Against my skin, the lightest touch of breeze. Finches arguing at the feeder. Butterflies and bees seeking the nectar of Salvia. And at the end of the day, a blazing sunset that finally brought me fully up from the underworld to see the colors dancing on the water’s surface.

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8 Comments

  • Maureen Ryan Griffin

    August 1, 2020 at 4:05 pm

    What a healing, helpful post. It is always good to know that you are not the only one dealing with despair, and to be shown such a beautiful door out and up into the sunlight. Thank you for sharing so honestly and giving voice to what so many of us are feeling. And I’m sorry you were feeling so low. May you always, as another beloved poet put it, know that wherever and “whoever you are, no matter how lonely [or sad or despairing],/the world offers itself to your imagination . . . ” Aren’t we blessed for Wendell Berry and Mary Oliver’s voices in the world to “announce [our] place/in the family of things”? Love to you, my beautiful friend!

    • Dede

      August 2, 2020 at 8:57 pm

      What a good reminder, Maureen! We are indeed blessed by the lives and the words of Wendell Berry and Mary Oliver. Oliver, in particular, was a poet of an attentiveness I aspire to. Thank you, dear friend, for sharing her words with me.

  • Leslie Rupracht

    July 31, 2020 at 1:20 am

    Your words resonate, Dede. Mother Nature is the ultimate nurturer, restoring the spirit of humans who show her the love and respect she deserves. She knows you are one of her caregivers. Her impeccable timing is a gift, such beautiful reciprocity. I’m glad you’re feeling soothed and uplifted.