Memories

“Memory believes before knowing remembers. Believes longer than recollects, longer than knowing even wonders.”

William Faulkner, Light in August

It’s different this year. How many times have I said this out loud to myself? December is here announcing the fourth season of our changed lives. Each day is like the next and “I don’t know” becomes my standard response to most questions. In truth, there are fewer questions with the shared realization of social distancing and living the holiday seasons differently.

Lately memories flood my mind. I see scenes from my childhood and faces I remember. Familiar places and experiences course through me like a river. With the pace of life slowing by necessity, past memories have a chance to surface and reveal themselves. Shuffling and spreading themselves across the floor of my mind, they float up bumping into each other! No longer pushed down with the rush to create new ones, they can be savored in their warm nostalgia.

I remember the train circling the base of the holiday tree. The low hum of the engine was soothing until it jumped its track! My brothers and I made up stories about the magical people inside and where they may be headed. Every year, the rich, chocolate fudge my mother made, cut into small squares with walnuts poking out, sat on the coffee table within reach.

Remembrance of walks under a cold, starry sky. Smells of fresh pine forests wafting through the air. Wood burning stoves filling the night with woody smoke, swirling the comfort of warmth for those gathered around it. I believe the Earth is also reflecting back on how it used to be. Tender memories of watercolor skies returning in a quieter world. A silent peace settles over her and she feels cared for once again.

We are all connected. Our memories are collective. Welcome their visits! Through them we set our intentions to create new ones full of possibility. We journey outward as this year closes with hopes for a new beginning. We journey inward to find our joy, our gratitude, and a sense of belonging for all.